Inner Thoughts + Reflections in Amist the Noise
The courage to think freely through the fear, grief, and freeze in these times of tragedy
We mostly center what we have learned that has taught us how to conform and contract as a way of existing. In order to be included. There’s a distance between honesty and reality that is filtered. Not because we can’t handle the truth. But because we all play a part in the roles of society that ask us to be sheep. That demand we choose being chosen or having choices. Acceptance has gratification, but often at the cost of pieces of ourselves.
What would it hurt if we took time to think about what we feel, believe, move through within the world.
Who would we lose.
What would be created.
What would be destroyed.
It always becomes heavy when the weight of the world makes us feel as if we don’t have a choice. When it challenges us to confront and question our morals and our values. Demands that we proclaim what we are living for. Finds ways to curate fear so we find reason to fight, freeze, or flee. Often as an attempt to show us how easy it is to point fingers at one another and away from the injustice that we see and feel.
Control is no stranger to any of us. Many just have less understanding of what it is to be separate from it. To truly choose to have choice. And many, when authentically given the opportunity to take the lead, shy away and return to the comforts of what it is to conform.
Human behavior is more than just how we act. It’s an embodiment of what we believe. It’s a conformity to what we fear. A controlling to create group think as an act of containment. A mirroring of what we hear and see.
What does it take for one to feel brave enough to act honestly? Our values or morals aren’t reliable compasses. They’re often emotionally charged and easy to manipulate - especially through group think. They lead us into reactivity. And disrupted our ability to clearly think.
Honesty isn’t steady. It’s something that moves at the pulse of life. It is shaped by it’s environment. And is layers deep. It is a combination of everything we encounter and an analysis of truth, presence, and curiosity. It is only revealed when we move at the pace in which our actions align with what we think.
What’s hard to hear and accept as true is that if the above holds any level of possibility to be correct - that means we - individually - have much to assess and accept. It means we have to learn to look at the world contemplatively and not filtered through the lenses of what we are encouraged - or demanded to believe or accept.
Many have an internal compass that navigates how they move through the world. A direction towards “rightness” and a repulsion towards steering clear of what is deemed “wrong.” This is personal although influenced by the general standards of society. But in “times like these” - that are quite honestly not much different from times of the past at the root of it all - yet are also perhaps a different level of exhaustive and scary because media and technology makes it unavoidable to consume the stories in every second that passes.
I don’t challenge if people have morals or values. A heart that beats or bleeds, a pulse of their own. I instead wonder what is true when we’re not driven by the fear of rejection or isolation for choosing to think or act differently than the masses reactions to the complexities of the world. What are the morals and values that we hold and that lead our lives when we are living within what is right in front of us and not driven by the stories we read online. Not as a bypassing or dismissal of the harsh realities of injustices, violence, or the raw realities of harm happening within the world. But as a reclamation an armoring through a decision to lead rather than conform by getting control of ones own mind.
I wonder what conversations sound like when people form sentences from their own thoughts and not neatly packaged catch phrases that are easy to say and easy to repeat. What would we discover if we were less polite - and more honest. If we were less enraged as a formality and more angry as an action that came from a place of demanding change.
I see many moving with a desire to embody both. But I don’t know if we can say the sentence we were taught would get us attention or likability AND create deeply impactful change. I don’t know if we can move millions by simply agreeing or disagreeing with what others say.
Change doesn’t happen quickly. It unfolds over time. It is a repetition of similar statements, actions, and emotions that curate beliefs - that form mentalities - that contract or expand life. Right now we are challenging change. And it feels massive, quick, hard, exhaustive, and necessary. There’s a war we are all facing. Not just politically. But spiritually. Mentally. Emotionally.
We’re being challenged to be broken - and to break one another - through the conformity of group think. Through the manipulation of technology. Through the ways in which we form beliefs from fear. From the moving quickly without curiosity - without questioning - without consideration of what it is that we personally want to change.
Many move with judgements and don’t consider the nuances that live within everything. When we slow down and find a steady that comes from trusting honesty - not just truth - not just fact - not only what we are told to or have come to believe that also holds a level of value for us individually … we evoke and embody change.
Why do we gather.
Converse.
Protest.
Rage.
Why do we tell the stories of those who we feel have no voice.
Why do we demand the change.
The questioning isn’t a conformity to empowering wrongness to take the lead. Rather, it’s an expansion of unveiling the deeper truths that motivate and drive us individually to seek and take action for change.
I wonder, if we, individually, were the only one standing - what would we fight for in the face of injustices that we see? This is what forms our levels of integrity. When we know this - we know why we fight - and what commands our attention. What drives our actions - what moves us towards, through, or away from the crowd. And this holds us in the formation of our own power - which can withstand the ebbs and flows - the inconsistencies and control that is the formation of and detriment of group think.
We must find commonalities in order to create containers for connection. But relationships cannot be controlled by either/or mentalities. This is dictatorship. This is how we create these ripples that pull people together to form bonds with layers of dishonesty. And when relationships are formed from dishonesty - control is the container that they actually live within.
What I wonder is what is the price we, individually, are willing to pay to move through the world with our own personal integrity intact. What would we sacrifice if we could have whatever level of world peace we personally ask for - what is the cost of freedom individually.
Collectively?
There is a necessity and a right to have a voice that is deserving of everyone individually. But I think that with a voice, there also comes the responsibility of being able to hold the ability to introspect and find individuality and honesty in the ways in which we think, act, and influence. When we don’t center this - we discover the harsh realities of what will unfold collectively through the extremes of all the layers of life - not just the things we agree or disagree with. An amplification of each side of the pendulum and the repercussions and results of what unfolds.
When the world begins to waiver and the pressure, stress, and grief thickens - I feel pull towards action - not as a reactivity - but as a choice to continue to center my choice, necessity, and honesty that I must live in alignment with and be guided by my integrity. What does this look and feel like to me. What actions not only align with the impacts that I want to give to the world - but also expand sustainability.
There are moments when we must act quickly - because there is a demand to challenge what is happening right in front of us. And there are moments when we have the space to think and form actions strategically. Not only for the sake of surviving - but driven from the desire to live the life with which we have chosen. To inspire those who are watching us to find their own values, voice, and integrity. To take action for the changes that we seek to experience within a lifetime. And to feel deeply.
One of the greatest acts of healing is intimacy. It’s a foundational necessity for not only pleasure - but also for finding our integrity. It holds us in our own personal honesties. And shapes what we believe, value and put into action. It forms compassion and curiosity. Expands grace and forgiveness. And teaches us our own unique language for connection and love.
Intimacy lives within the body. It’s a language that we learn - and amplify - by time spent reflecting - above reacting. It requires that we take action - and explore the results of what we do. It teaches us how to feel - and through feeling - how to hold, release, and move our emotions with truth. It demands depth - not as an escape - but as a pathway for connection through truth.
A challenge that exists in the complexities of the ways in which we are in conflicts across all the parts of society is that we have a disconnection from intimacy. And when I say intimacy - I don’t center or even mean sex. I mean our ability to go deep. To think. To feel. And to form our realities from the honesty of what it is to hold humanity and our guidance from our internal compasses within the same breaths.
So if we are to contribute to the chaos of the world we live within, we must filter and dissect - what is the contribution that you are devoted to making? What is the message that you are translating. And what truth does this hold. If there’s uncertainty - practices of intimacy with self will guide you there.
Intimacy through the breath.
Through the introspection.
Release.
The space living within solitude to mute the noise of the world.
Not as an avoidance.
But as a permission to allow your own truth to be known.
And through this - your integrity will form.
A compass created from intuition.
And a strength to endure.
To create.
To inspire.
To hold space.
To listen.
And learn.
To speak honestly.
To love.
To move wisely.
And act compassionately.
To feel.
Express.
Emote.
Expand.
Lead.
Through this, you’ll find - and form - community. Not from a place of conformity. But from a place of integrity. And from sustainability of holding the role with which you are playing in society. A consistency in actions and a clarity in the words with which we say. A devotion to the changes we not only need - but the ways in which we contribute to how they are created.
LET’S GO SLOW.
LET’S GET DEEP.
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